


The Egg-speriment

by tiedyeflag



Category: Villainous (Cartoon)
Genre: M/M, Paperhat - Freeform, dem is the fun aunt, egg, flug and bh combine their stuffs and make an egg for evil purposes, starring; flug and bh's egg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-23
Updated: 2018-08-07
Packaged: 2019-05-27 04:52:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15017045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tiedyeflag/pseuds/tiedyeflag
Summary: Black Hat and Flug are in a relationship, a very evil one. They decide to do an experiment; conceive and raise an egg to become the evilest monster to ever evil in their catalogue! However, as evil as they are, they slowly grow attached to the little egg...





	1. Chapter 1

Demencia crawled along the walls on all fours, sniffing the air. 505 was going to make pancakes for the whole BlackHatInc. Crew, but they had run out of eggs. Unable to settle for a measly bowl of cereal, she dashed out of the kitchen in search of eggs. Like a bloodhound, she jammed her nose to the ground as if tracking a scent. 

Her nose led her to Flug’s lab. As she kicked at the bolted door, she reasoned  _ of course _ there would be eggs in Flug’s lab. He was a mad scientist of many sciences, including biological. The nerd probably had a dozen eggs of bizarre species to be experimented on, or to even snack on. She didn’t consider that she was the only one in the mansion who enjoyed raw eggs, let alone could swallow them.

The door fell with a metallic, heavy thud. Grinning, she skipped over the wreckage and inside the lab. Nothing looked out of place; test tubes meticulously labeled, machines steadily humming, and numerous post it notes sitting on Flug’s main desk. One of them read, “DEMENCIA IF YOU’RE READING THIS GET OUT OF MY LAB”. She stuck her tongue out like a frog’s and grabbed it, then brought it to her mouth in a flash. Chewing, she looked around for anything egg shaped. 

A new smell reached her nose. She jerked her head in the direction of the smell, and saw a door that wasn’t there last time she barged in. A sign stuck to it, a plate with neat type, saying “DEMENCIA IF YOU’RE READING THIS TOO THEN DO  **NOT** ENTER”. 

Was Flug keeping some secret egg supply? Did he rob the kitchen of all the eggs, too? Why was she busy asking herself when she could be shoving that door down and finding out outright?

She pulled out a small yet heavy mace--travel size, she called it--and ran towards the door. With an animalistic screech, she bashed it open. 

“Yeaaaaah! That’s what I’m talking about!” She boasted. Her face fell into confusion as she took in the room. Barely bigger than a broom closet, it was a miracle the door didn’t knock over the one piece of machinery in the room; a rectangular table under a warm lamp. The girl crept closer. Under the lamp’s light was what looked like a petri dish, and budding from it was a tiny orb, the size of a pea and a pale shade of grey.

It smelled like an egg.

“I guess Fives can make a tiny pancake out of you…” She raised a finger to poke it.

“DEMENCIAAAA!!” 

“Uuugh,” she groaned. She turned around and saw a frazzled Flug panting by the doorway. “Good morning to you, too, Dr. Nerd,”

“Demencia, how many times do I have to tell you to stay out of my lab!?”

“Infinity, nerd!” She chuckled. “So what’s with eggbert here?” She pointed at the egg.

Flug’s skin grew pale, or at least that on his neck did. “Th--That’s none of your business! And I didn’t lay it!!”

“Huh?” Demencia raised a brow. “I thought humans didn’t lay eggs?”

“They don’t! And--And I don’t!!”

“Yeah, but you saying that makes it sound like you did lay an egg. So can we eat it?”

Flug grew even more distraught. “Absolutely not! And stay away from my incubator!!” He scrambled to stand between it and Demencia.

“Ooh, that makes eggs hatch, right? So is it gonna hatch? Would it be like an abortion if I ate it?”

The scientist pulled a walkie talkie from his coat pocket and barked, “Hat bots! Target Demencia!! Now!!”

“Okay, okay, I’m leaving, sheesh!” She chirped, but her dash for the exist betrayed her voice. Flug could hear her footsteps followed by the march of heavy hatbots shooting lasers. Sighing, he looked back at the incubator. A finger gently stroked the egg’s shell, but not out of fondness. An evil glint reflected off his goggles as he smiled to himself.

“My, I wonder what kind of monstrosity you’ll become? Maybe you’ll be eviler than me!”

“But not eviler than me, of course,” said a low voice.

Flug jumped, but before he could turn around, a pair of strong arms wrapped around his chest, and pulled him close. The smell of antique cologne and smokey ash filled the space, and familiar claws clasped around Flug’s hands.

“S--Sir, you startled me,”

Black Hat rolled his eyes. “What kind of mad scientist lets his guard down right in front of the great Black Hat?”

“The kind that’s secretly dating him?”

“I suppose,”

Flug reached up to cup Black Hat’s chin. As the demon purred, Flug said, “When do you think we should tell her and Fives?”

“About our relationship? Or our egg?”

“Both,”

Arms tightened around Flug. “I’d rather not,”

“Sir, I don’t like the idea of telling the rabid fangirl who’s head over heels for you that you’re dating someone other than herself--”

“And having sex with,”

Flug’s body temperature rose a few degrees, “Yes, but--but that’s not how we made this egg.”

“Yes, you…” Black Hat scratched his cheek. “Can you explain the process again, if you please?”

“Well, in simple terms--”

Flug and Black Hat froze at the sound of a phone camera snapping. It was followed by a barely contained squeal and more camera snaps. When they looked behind them, their eyes widened.

“Ohmygod the BlackHatInc. Facebook and Twitter is gonna flip!!” squealed Demencia. “But what was that about the egg?”

Black Hat and Flug’s skin went pale.


	2. Chapter 2

Demencia typed away at her phone, sitting on the wide couch in the mansion’s only living room not containing torture equipment. She sat upside down with her legs kicked over the back of the couch, between Black Hat and Flug sitting upright, and legs crossed.

“I cannot  _ believe _ you managed to hide your lil’ relationship from me for, like, three years!” said Demencia. “And now you’re having a freaking baby!!”

“It’s not a baby, you idiotic girl!” Black Hat stood from his seat. “It’s a creature that will become--”

“Will possibly become,” interrupted Flug.

“Will probably become a powerful monstrosity the earth has never seen before, and will help us spread evil to the ends of this universe!”

Demencia looked up from her phone, puzzled. “How? Raise it as your evil own? Sounds the same as having a baby,”

As Black Hat groaned, Flug shifted in his seat. “Well, the plan is to see if our...um...If--If a human and a demon can conceive viable offspring, and if so, to include the result in our catalogue.”

The girl’s eyes lit up. “Ohhh, like how people rent me out to kill heroes and stuff?”

“Yes, exactly!”

“So why’s the egg on a petri dish instead of in one of you guys? Aren’t you guys fucking?”

Flug buried his face into his hands. The bag crinkled, muffling Flug’s moans. Demencia looked at him expectantly until Black Hat sat back down next to her.

“I’m not an...expert on human reproduction, but I know that would not work. One, Flug does not possess the...the organ used to host the baby. He has the one that initiates it.” He smirked, “And it’d work rather well if I possessed a compatible organ.”

Flug’s blush bled through the bag and steamed up his goggles.

Black Hat continued, “And two, even if we did have compatible organs, it’s more...practical this way.”

“Why?”

“Think before you speak, idiot. One of us would have to physically carry the forming egg for god knows how long inside us, heavily impacting our productivity!”

“Ohhh yeah,” Demencia glanced at her phone. “So it’s just another experiment to you two?”

“More or less,”

“Well, I’m updating your relationship status on facebook that you’re ‘raising a lil’ hell raiser’,”

“Demencia, no!” Flug reached for her phone, “It’s bad enough you’ve leaked that Jefecito and I are in a relationship!” He snatched it from her hand, but she grabbed it back.

“Aw, c’mon! It’s bad enough you waited three freakin’ years to tell me about you two!” She tugged back. “Give it back!! I have to post this!”

They pulled back and forth at the phone like a tug a war. Just when it looked like it’d break, it slipped from their hands, and spun high in the air. A black shadow snatched it up, suspending it in the air high above their reach.

Demencia jumped on the couch with outstretched arms. “C’mon Blackie, give it back! I just got that phone!!”

“I will once you promise not to ‘post’ about our experiment. And if I’m feeling generous, I won’t break every single bone in your body.” Black Hat narrowed his eyes.

She glared at him, pouting, for a long, long minute. Tilting her hips, she said, “Fine...but on two conditions!”

He rolled his eyes. “What do you dare to ask--”

“One is that I’m the fun auntie!”

“The...what?”

“And two is that you give me a kiss!”

“What?!”

“C’mon, Blackie, right on the lips~” She pursed her lips, reminding him of a goldfish. “Or else the whole world’s gonna ask you when’s the due date!”

Gagging, he barked, “How dare you--”

“You could barbeque every electronic in the mansion, I’d still find a way to post it! Heck, I could use the free ones in the public library! Or steal one!” She batted her eyelashes, “But it doesn’t have to be this way...Just one kiss~” She puckered her lips loudly.

Black Hat cringed at the display. His lips curled back, revealing his sharp fangs. Every fiber in his being wretched at the thought. He glanced at Flug, who stared back with pleading eyes. The demon furrowed his brow.

“Fine. Wait here,” He disappeared in a flurry of shadows.

“Yay yay yay!” Demencia cheered. She pulled out a watermelon flavored chapstick and marinated her lips in it. The moment she stuck it back into her pocket, the apple of her eye returned in a poof of dark smoke. “I’m ready, bonbon! Mwah, mwah, mwah--”

Black Hat shoved his hand into her mouth. “Here!”

“Mmph?!” She stuck her tongue out, revealing a Hershey Kiss sitting on it. “Hey, that’s not what I meant!”

“You never specified what kind of kiss was required, simply that it was ‘on the mouth’, no?” He narrowed his eyes to slits. “Now if you go babbling about our little experiment, I will personally rip out your intestines and wring them around your throat until your head falls off. Are we clear?”

“Hmph…” She sulked, then popped the candy, still in it’s wrapper, into her mouth. “Fine. But I’m still the auntie!”

“Yes, yes,” Black Hat leaned in and whispered into Flug’s ear, “What’s an ‘auntie’?”

“I--I’ll explain later…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The lizard daughter is now a lizard aunt. Congrats to everyone involved.
> 
> And a huge thank you for all the comments and reviews on the first chapter! They keep me writing! :D


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blackie and Flugie keep the eggie warmie

Flug studied the egg, sitting in the middle of the heat beam as still as a rock. He jotted down notes in a worn notebook with a collage of plane pictures plastered on the cover. Pressing the eraser of the pencil to his lip, he stared.

Two months in, the egg was the size of a chicken egg. The color and texture resembled concrete, yet Flug could tell the shell was reasonably thin to the touch. A few freckles of green spotted the surface like moss. It reminded him of the tiny, green freckles on Black Hat’s cheeks that one could only notice upon a close study. 

The scientist grinned. Still, he wondered what would be his genetic contribution to this monster… Would it be cold or warm blooded? Capable of speech? Would it need to pee?

Suddenly, the heat lamp shut off.

“What the…?” Flug flicked the on and off switch on the lamp. He then noticed how the air was deathly silent. No hum of air conditioning or lab machinery. His cell phone then made a high pitched ping with a notification. He pulled it out and stared at the screen. There were texts from Demencia.

_ Fluuuuuug the power’s out _

_ Do sumthn plz _

Flug texted back.

_ What? Why?! _

She texted back.

_ I dunno! Do sumthn! I wanna play video games! _

Flug’s stomach turned. His gaze fell on the lifeless heat lamp, the last shreds of warmth fading fast. Then the egg.

* * *

 

Black Hat marched through the dark hallways holding a candelabra alit with black, bright flames. They reflected off his monocle and silken texture off his top hat. It illuminated his path where the lingering lights from twilight died. He rolled his eyes at the thought of lighting a night light for 505, that ridiculous bear…

“Electricity, my foot,” he mumbled. He paused when his ears picked up rapid footsteps. Curious, he followed the sound, walking further down the hallway, until someone crashed into his chest.

“Oof!” Black Hat said. “Who dares to...Flug?”

Flug barely acknowledged he bumped into him, instead focused on a bundle of cloth in his arms. “J--Jefecito! The power’s out!”

“Yes, so I’ve noticed,”

“B--But that means the lamp isn’t working?”

“What lamp?”

Flug shoved the bundle into the demon’s face. “The  _ heat _ lamp!!”

Buried in a spare lab coat like a burrito was the egg. Black Hat’s eyes widened. “Eggs need--they need heat, right?”

“Yes! I--I don’t know what to do!!”

Black Hat wrapped his arm around Flug’s shoulders and said, “Follow me,”

Flug nodded and let his boss guide him through the dark hallways. The light from the eerie candelabra cast its light onto the egg. He noticed the flame radiated a chill, instead of heat, and his stomach turned. Rubber gloves wrapped the egg tighter in the lab coat.

Black Hat released Flug once they entered a room. He left his scientist at the door while he walked to the opposite side of the room. Kneeling down, he lowered his candelabra, and a fire erupted from a fireplace once shoulder in the darkness. However, the fire in the fireplace appeared--and felt--normal. It cast the room in a cozy, warm glow. Black Hat gestured for Flug to come closer. He shuffled closer and carefully sat next to him, egg cradled in his lap. 

The demon and man sat there in silence, listening to the crackling fire and watching the egg be bathed in the glow and warmth of the fire.

“Flug?”

“Yes?”

“Some egg laying animals sit on their eggs until they hatch to keep them warm, correct?”

“Yes, like birds,”

“But humans don’t do that, I believe,”

Flug chuckled. “No, we don’t lay eggs. When an egg is fertilized, it develops entirely inside the body of the...the parent. The parent’s body provides all the water, nutrients, and warmth to its young until it’s born, and even afterwards the parent still provides the baby with proper care as well.”

“Hmm…” Black Hat crossed his legs and leaned on his elbow. “But this egg is only half human, I presume,”

“According to the DNA tests I’ve conducted so far…” Flug paused. “Are you implying you want to keep it inside one of us?”

“Absolutely not! I was wondering...about how birds do it,”

“You...want one of us to sit on it?”

“I want to make sure it’s warm! I refuse to sell a malnourished monster in my catalogue!”

“True, but...I--I’m afraid my body isn’t meant for that,”

“What do you mean? I’ve felt your bottom many times, and it’s plenty warm--”

Flug blushed profusely. “I--I mean I might break it if I sit on it!”

“Oh,” his gaze fell. “I’m afraid I would do so as well.”

“I can’t say you’re body is designed for caring and nurturing,”

“Oh no, I am a lean, prefect specimen for chaos and destruction! Mwahahaha!” Black Hat gave Flug a smirk, “Though I admit your prowess for evil is impressive. For a human.”

“I’m flattered,” Flug shifted closer to lean against Black Hat’s shoulder. Such close proximity was only allowed by him, and he adored it. His thoughts returned to the bundle of evil in his lap.

“Thank you, jefecito,”

“For what, may I ask? Being incredibly evil?”

“For the fire. And all your help.”

“Oh, it was nothing,”

A silence settled over the room. Black Hat picked up a stick to stroke the fire. The flames licked the logs as it roared in the quiet space. “How much do you think we should charge for it?”

“You mean the experiment?” Flug raised the egg slightly.

“Yes,”

“Hmm...I don’t know. It feels strange to put a price on it so early on,”

“I suppose,”

* * *

 

Black Hat didn’t need sleep, but it didn’t stop him from dozing off by Flug. When he opened his eye, his bleary eye settled on Flug’s face. His bag tilted in the night, showing off his slightly pouted lips, and a thin trail of drool staining his shoulder. He smirked at how disgusting yet adorable his little human lover could be. Then his gaze drifted to Flug’s lap.

The egg was gone.

“GAH!! WHERE IS IT?!” He jump to his feet.

Flug fell onto his side and awoke at impact. “Huh--? What time izzit?”

“Forget the time, the egg is gone!!”

“Wha… What?” Flug’s eyes widened at his empty lap. He got onto all fours and looked for it like a neurotic dog. “Did--Did it roll away while we slept?”

“I don’t know, just find--” His voice tailed off.

“Sir?” 

Black Hat pointed behind Flug. He looked over his shoulder, and he gasped. Curled up in a tight ball near the door was 505. His nose was tucked under his hind legs, and the egg sat in the very center, surrounded by soft blue furr.

“Oh my...oh my god that’s adorable,” whispered Flug.

However, Black Hat cringed. “Affection is disgusting if it doesn’t come from you.”

Flug ignored him. He tiptoed closer and leaned over the sleeping bear. Fingers gently combed through the furr, then stroked the edge of the egg. “It’s so soft and warm in there...It’s like 505 is a mother hen,”

Black Hat’s expression turned thoughtful. “Is it warm enough for the egg?”

“I think so. It’s certainly cozy,”

“Very well. Flug, I demand that you check that the power’s back on and that the heat lamp works. I’ll keep my eye on the egg to make sure our ‘mother bear’ doesn’t  _ smash _ it,” He narrowed his eyes accusingly at 505. 

“Yes, sir!”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The evil dads go shopping for baby supplies for their little monster.

“Flug? Where are the doors?”

“They’re sliding doors, sir. You walk up to them and they open automatically,”

Black Hat stared suspiciously at the panes of glass at the front of the supermarket. Still, he let Flug walk him closer, and just when they were about to crash into it, the panes of glass slid aside.

“How?!” Black Hat backed up, hiding his shock with a look of repulsion.

“Well, it--it has to do with sensors and lasers, I’ll--I’ll explain later,” Flug gently tugged Black Hat’s sleeve. “Let’s just get what we need and get back home,”

The demon squinted under the ugly fluorescent lights. His fancy shoes looked odd against the scuffy tile below. As Flug grabbed a plastic cart, he observed the lines of spineless civilians wandering about with their own carts, either in lines near a series of desks or filling their cart with discounted goods.

Face contorting in disgust, he pulled out a list from his breast pocket. His claws nearly pierced the paper as he read over his handwriting. 

“Shirts, pants, diapers, pajamas…” he grumbled.

“Sir?” said Flug, “Are you okay?” 

“Just...Let’s just get this over with,” He shoved the list into Flug’s chest.

“Are you sure you want to do this?”

“I refuse to have a baby monster running about the house butt naked. Seeing Demencia do it is bad enough,” Black Hat dry heaved.

“True...but we have no idea what it’ll look like,” said Flug. “We don’t even know if it’ll walk on two legs or four. Or if it’ll have legs at all!”

“I’d rather be prepared. Now let's get those items and leave!”

“Yes, sir!”

* * *

 

“Sir, are--are you done throwing up?” asked Flug.

“Yes...for now,” Black Hat wiped his mouth with a handkerchief. “It’s a miracle their subpar bathrooms are still standing. But those baby clothes are repulsively NOT evil!”

Flug nervously chuckled. “I--I know, sir. Their cuteness can be, um, nauseating at times. But I found some more suitable ones!”

“Really,” 

Flug pulled out a black onesie with the words ‘BARF VADER’ in blocky red letters. Behind that was a tiny shirt covered in cartoon skulls. And finally, with his other hand, was a baby bib that looked covered in blood.

“Hmm…” Black Hat tightened his lips. “I suppose these are more suitable. By a margin.” His non prominent nose suddenly sniffed the air, smelling something...vile. The scent came from the blood covered bib. “Flug, is that...real blood?”

“Um...I might have accidentally spilled some blood earlier. And--And since it’s dirty now, I--I guess we have to buy it--”

“Why? Why did you spill blood?”

“Oh, this soccer mom was poking her nose where it didn’t belong and called you a bad name. I already vaporized her body--oof!”

Flug stopped when strong arms squeezed him, holding him in the air. Black Hat nuzzled his cheek, purring approvingly. “That’s my evil little scientist~”

“S--Sir, that tickles!” giggled Flug. “And people are watching!”

Black Hat froze for a moment, then shrugged. “Demencia already let the cat out of the bag. Why bother putting it back?”

After a hesitant pause, Flug found himself nuzzling back, still giggling.

* * *

 

“Flug? What is the use of diapers?” Black Hat held a large package of diapers. He looked at all it’s side as if it was a rubix cube.

“Infants don’t know how to use the bathroom when they’re born, so until they’re potty trained, they wear diapers to catch the, er, waste,”

“What waste? And what do you mean, ‘potty trained’?”

Flug face went slack. “Sir, do...do you not know what a toilet is for?”

“It’s for sitting in the bathroom. It’s the only place in the manson I can read a newspaper in peace!”

Flug slapped his forehead. “That’s...that’s not what you use a toilet for,”

“Then what the hell is it for?”

Fifteen minutes later, after an explanation of the human digestive system, Black Hat threw up for the second time that day.

* * *

 

The tall, foreboding door of the BlackHatInc mansion opened with a creak. Black Hat and Flug squeezed past it--not because it was narrow, but because of the heavy bags they carried under their arms.

“Fives! Dem! We’re home!” called Flug.

“I’m just glad the house is still standing,” Black Hat grumbled as he kicked the door shut. “Flug, leave the bags here. Go check on the egg.”

“Are you sure, sir? There are a lot--”

“I’m a demon capable of crushing this entire planet without pulling a muscle, and you’re questioning my strength?! Check the egg, now!”

“Y--Yes, sir!” Flug dropped the bags and dashed off. Several of the bags tipped over and split their contents. A few baby rattles rolled on the floor, and a container of baby powder sent a puff of white dust into the air like a sweet smelling mushroom cloud.

Black Hat sighed. He put down his bags, knelt down, and picked up the fallen goods. “Ugh, how have humans done this for centuries?” Black Hat mumbled. “I know humans are helpless, but their babies are even worse!”

“Aroo?”

He looked up, and 505 greeted him with a wet lick on the face. Fighting the urge to growl, Black Hat wiped the slobber off his face. Through gritted teeth, he hissed, “So  _ good _ to see you too, blasted bear,”

505 ignored him, instead sniffing the spilt powder. His face scrunched up once, twice, then released with a sneeze. All over Black Hat’s face. 

Black Hat’s eye gleamed red now, and his face twisted into a tight scowl. The bear cowered, curling up like an armadillo. The demon slowly, slowly stood up, and tightened his hands into fists.

“505!”

The bear looked up. “Aroh?”

“Clean up this mess and take these bags to Flug’s lab.  _ NOW, _ ”

He immediately gathered all the bags in his arms and scrambled away. Black Hat noticed he almost lost his balance and spilled all the bags, but hastily continued. 

“Hmph,” Black Hat snapped his fingers, and disappeared into shadows. He had better things to do than worry over the bear. Like disinfecting the bear’s germs, as well as those from the supermarket--more like a superstore for human filth, ugh!

* * *

 

Black Hat entered the lab, skin damp with warm water, and a red towel tied around his waist. A shower cap sat on his head instead of his trademark tophat. He shivered at the cool air of the lab, but grew warmer as he grew closer to the egg incubator. An oddly sweet smile crossed his features as he stared at the egg. It was quickly running out of room in it’s next of 505’s furr from his brush. Now the size of a tennis ball, and darker in color with specks of red and green.

“Sir?” came Flug’s voice from behind.

Black Hat glanced over his shoulder His face contorted into a scowl. “Flug! Where were you?! I told you to check the egg! I even had time to take a shower!!”

“I--I did check the egg, but--but then I had to use the bathroom!”

Gagging, Black Hat cupped his stomach. “Please refrain from mentioning the inner workings of your body for the next few days, doctor,”

“Of course, sir,” 

Flug approached Black Hat’s side. The demon wrapped an arm around Flug’s shoulders, though it was unclear if it was in affection or for support in his sudden sickliness. 

“I had no idea babies need so many things. How has humankind survived for so long?”

“Honestly, I chalk it up to intelligence and a long streak of luck,”

“Yes, but we don’t have to buy diapers and clothes for your other experiments. Excluding that wretched girl and 505, there’s so much more...preparation,”

“This creature is half human, and half you. There are so many more unknowns this time, and is more…” Flug’s voice tailed off.

“Is more what?”

“It’s silly, you’ll think I’m going crazy,”

“Try me,”

“This,to me, it feels more...personal,” He gently laid a hand on the egg. “Like, it’s a symbol of our... villainy,”

“...You were about to say the l-word, weren’t you?”

Flug’s gaze fell to his sneakers.

“You’re right, you’re sounding crazy. However,” he pulled Flug a fraction closer, “I’ll let it slide. For now,”

Sighing with relief, Flug relaxed his posture. He tensed up when a hand groped at his butt. “S--Sir?”

Black Hat smirked. It was just then that Flug finally took in Black Hat’s lack of attire. His love of science briefly blinded him to the still wet, glistening skin before him, accompanied by the subtle scent of expensive aftershave.

“N--Not here. Not in front of the egg,”

“Fair enough,” Black Hat swept Flug off the ground, flung him over his shoulder, and carried him out of the closet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I, as a writer, have no idea where I'm going with this but I'm not giving up anytime soon.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time for villains to decorate the nursery.

“You--You want to make a _what?_ ” asked Flug, nearly dropping a beaker full of toxic chemicals.

“A baby monster area,” said Black Hat. “I believe it should be wise to invest in a dedicated area to training the monster after it hatches until it’s ready to be sold,”

“So like a n...No, nevermind,”

“Like a what?”

“It...It almost sounds like you want to make a nursery for it,”

Black Hat raised a brow. “What’s that? Is it evil? Sounds like something for meek nurses,”

“It’s a...how do I put it,” Flug carefully put the beaker away, then pressed his fingertips together. “It’s a space or room dedicated to young children or plants,”

“Hmph. I suppose that has the potential to be evil…”

“That doesn’t sound like a bad idea, actually. If we can teach it to read and talk, then we can charge more for them!”

“That’s the mad scientist I know and lo--lo--” Black Hat coughed, then mumbled, “Love…”

Flug snorted; his boss’s inability to say the l-word never failed to charm him. “So, do you want to build a new room, or…?”

“Pah!” Black Hat spat. “You dare imply my mansion isn’t big enough for a monster the size of a football! We’ll just remodel one of guest rooms. No one else is worthy of them, anyway,”

“Guess this means we’ll have to go shopping again,”

The demon groaned like a spoiled brat. “Do we have to?”

“Depends. Do you have a crib?”

“A what?”

* * *

 

Demencia finished braiding her ponytail and tied it with a neon hair tie. She wore a loose pink t shirt under worn overalls, and had her ‘junk shoes’, or her sneakers for kicking in heroes brains in. However, the dried bloodstains could easily be mistaken for paint. “So what do I get to paint first?” She snatched up a can of lilac paint.

“We’re just repainting a room, Dem,” said Flug, dressed in a similar fashion. “We’re not painting a king sized Rorschach test,”

“Still exciting! Kinda surprised at y’alls color choice, though,” She pried open the can with her teeth. Then she gave it a sniff. “Wouldn’t you want a darker color, like black or something?”

“Most nurseries don’t have a black color scheme, Demencia,” Flug used a screwdriver to open his own can of paint, then poured it into a plastic pan. “It’s just temporary until the monster is born and old enough to be sold,”

“Wait wait wait,” Demencia blinked. “It’s for the _egg?!_ ”

“No, it’s for Black Hat’s grandmother. Of course it’s for the egg! Why else did you think we’re doing all this work?”

She shrugged. “I thought when you said nursery, you meant something about nurses. Like we were getting an on site nurse or something, like in schools. Or you and Blackie were getting into something kinky with nurse uniforms,”

Flug shoved a paint roller into her chest. “Just shut up and get painting,”

“‘Kay!”

* * *

 

Three hours later, as Flug and Demencia finished painting, a knock came from behind the door.

“What’s the password?” said Demencia, while Flug rolled his eyes, and opened the door.

“Aroo!”

“Fives!” Flug beamed. The bear gave Flug a bear hug, nuzzling into the side of Flug’s paint stained bag. “Fives, no, that tickles! And I’m covered in paint!”

“Wussup?” Demencia asked.

505 stepped aside and both Flug and Demencia gasped. Piles upon piles of brand new furniture stood just outside the door. Demencia, wild with curiosity, dove in and inspected a toy box resembling a treasure chest. Flug stared in awe of a rocking chair made from dark wood. But what amazed them the most was a large cardboard box with pictures and illustrations of a crib on the sides.

“Ooh! Is this where the lil guy’s gonna sleep? I wanna see it!” She used her sharp nails to cut the tape like a knife. Styrofoam packing peanuts flew into the air as she stuck her head inside.

“Demencia, be careful!” cried Flug. He pulled her out by her waist, and her head popped out covered in peanuts.

After spitting a dozen out of her mouth, she said, “Is the baby gonna sleep on these things, or what?”

“No, Dem, we have to assemble the crib first. Look,” Flug fished inside, then pulled out a leg of the crib. “We take all the pieces out and put them together,”

“Do we get to put the peanuts in it, too?”

“No. I don’t think that would be good for the baby’s health,”

“Aw, man…”

* * *

 

Flug sighed, massaging the sore muscles in his shoulder. They still had to put the furniture in the room once the paint was dry, and he didn’t look forward to that. Painting the walls and ceiling _and_ fixing the splotches Demencia spilled all over the place. Maybe she’ll prove more useful doing the heavy lifting later on…

He approached the door to Black Hat’s office. When he knocked it, it creaked open to his surprise. “Jefe?” He called, peeking his head inside. The demon sat at his desk with his eyes closed as he leaned against this palm. As Flug walked closer, he heard a low, distinctive rumble from his chest in time with his snores.

It wasn’t the first time Flug had witnessed Black Hat take a cat nap, purring peacefully, but it never ceased to captivate him. Smiling, his eyes wandered to the desk. A plain looking book sat there, and Black Hat was taking notes in a black notebook. Curious, Flug picked up the book.

Flug skimmed the pages of names, each with their originating time period, meaning, and more. All of them were human names in alphabetical order. Why would the mighty Black Hat be reading something like this? It didn’t appear to serve any evil purpose...until he saw his notebook. His fingers loosely held the pen, making the last entry trail off. Upside down Flug read a list of names under the title ‘names for the egg’.

The scientist barely contained his squeal, his wide grin hidden under his bag. His eyes went wide at just how _cute_ this was! Black Hat, THE Black Hat, was looking up baby names to name their monster offspring!

“Are you done staring?”

Flug jumped. “S--Sir, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean--”

Black Hat sighed, then stretched in his chair. “I was getting tired of calling the egg ‘it’. So I decided to research suitable human names,”

“I knew you had an impressive library, but I had no idea you had books like these,”

“Why would I waste space for evil books with something like this?” He slammed the book closed and waved it in the air. “I obtained it from the library,”

“Wait, so you...Got a library card and checked out a book just to look up baby names?”

“You...have to ‘check out’ books? And what’s a library card?”

“...you just walked in and stole the book, didn’t you,”

“...I thought that’s how libraries worked! You walk in and take a book, then return it when you’re done!”

“It--It’s a bit more complicated than that, but...I don’t think they’ll mind if you borrow this one book,”

“Wait, are you saying it’d be considered... _bad_ if I don’t return this book?”

“Well, yes--”

Black Hat grinned. “ _Evil_ bad?”

Flug thought for a moment. He made a so-so hand motion and muttered “Ehhhhh…”

His face fell as he dropped the book. “Hmph. Disappointing,”

“It’d be eviler to burn down an orphanage,”

Flug felt an arm slip around his waist and pull him closer to Black Hat’s side. Smiling, he purred, “That sounds delightful right about now...Shall we go on a little outing~?”

“But sir, we’ve already scared all the orphanages away from here,”

“What do you want to burn instead?”

“Hmm,” Flug coyly scratched his cheek. “Perhaps we rob a bank and then burn it?”

“Sounds horrifying, let’s do it,”

* * *

 

“Demencia, explain to me why you put the baby crib in the room like that,” asked Flug with his arms crossed.

“What? For once I did what you told me and followed the instructions! I even used screws instead of super glue!”

“But it’s upside down!”

“It is?” Demencia looked at the wooden furniture. “But then the baby can escape and stuff! It’s like a lil’ cage for it, right?”

“It’s a baby, not a criminal!” A pause. “Well, knowing us, it’ll probably grow up into a criminal, but still! Look at the picture on the box!”

Demencia picked up the box, studying the illustration of the crib. She held it up in front of the crib she assembled, then put it down, then up again for comparison.

“...Ohhh! I was wondering what those sticks in the air were for,”

“Those are the legs, Dem,”

“But where are the feet?”

“Just...Just flip it over, already,”

She shrugged. “Okay, whatever,” With her bare hands, she placed her palms against the bottom--or what was supposed to be the top--and flipped it over in one fell swoop. It landed on all fours with a loud clatter.

“Demencia! Be gentle!”

“What? I did what you said,”

“You could have broken it! I didn’t mean to flip it like a table!”

“What’s done is done. Not my problem.” She folded her hands behind her head and walked out of the room. “My job here is done!”

Flug groaned into his hands. Then, slowly lowering his hands, he looked around the nursery. The room sported a fresh coat of lavender paint, along with the brand new crib, a refinished chest of drawers, and a giant stuffed animal of a satanic, yet cute, goat. The bookcase and toy chest were empty, but would hopefully be filled to the brim with witchcraft tomes and torture toys. A baby mobile of stars, asteroids, and air planes dangled above the crib, and in the dark, would glow a fluorescent green.

A giddy feeling bubbled up from his stomach at the idea of raising his and Black Hat’s experiment…

“Flug?”

Flug jumped, then turned around. “J--Jefe! You startled me,”

“Apologies. You were just standing there...Are you alright?”

“Just lost in thought,” Flug then noticed a thick piece of fabric in Black Hat’s arms. “What’s that?”

Blushing, he unfolded the fabric and held it up for Flug to see. It was a thickly woven, black and red blanket large enough to cover a small child. He raised his hand to it, and even with his yellow rubber gloves he could tell it was soft. And right in the very center was an intricate symbol of a black hat.

“Where did you get this…?” Flug asked in awe. “Or did you already have this?”

“Are you implying I, the mighty Black Hat, sleep with a blankie?” He rolled his eyes. “For your information, I made this myself,”

“You--You made this?”

“Knit it with my own claws,” the demon raised a hand, unsheathing his sharp, spindly claws.

Flug’s eyes widened. “Jefe, you never told me you could knit!”

The confidence in Black Hat’s face suddenly turned into bashfulness. “Well, I...I have not been doing it for very long,”

“Wait, you...Did you learn just to make this for the baby?”

Black Hat blushed.

“Aw, Jefecito…”

Black Hat blushed harder when Flug flung his arms around his back. As the scientist nuzzled into his chest, he muttered, “If anyone asks, we say a customer made it for me,”

“Even the baby?”

“...Once they’re old enough to keep secrets. If they’re even intelligent enough, anyway,”

“Of course, jefe,”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Demencia gets into the role of the fun auntie, much to Flug's and Black Hat's surprise.

Demencia tapped away at a portable game console, sitting in a bean bag she dragged into Flug’s lab while the scientist typed away at a keyboard. “Fluuuuug, where’s the eggie?”

“It’s in the experiment closet. Why?”

“I just noticed it’s not in the new nursery,” She paused her game and added, “Which we bust our butts over fixing up,”

“What? No, no it’s for when the egg’s hatched,”

“What if it doesn’t hatch?”

Flug faltered in his typing. His blood went cold. “W...What?”

“Like, what if it just...pops it’s legs and head out of it’s egg, so like it looks like the egg is the body?”

The heat returned to his veins, and the air to his lungs. He sighed. “Oh, well...I guess we’d put it in the nursery by then.”

“But you’re just keeping it cooped up in that closet ‘till then?”

“It’s not conscious yet, Demencia! And the reason we’re keeping it in there is so it stays safe!”

“From who? Blackie the daddy?”

“No, from heroes and you,”

“What?!” She sat up, nearly falling out of her bean bag. “Oh, c’mon, I’m tons of fun! I’m sure it’ll like me!”

“Demencia, it’s not that. It’s that you’re not the definition of ‘careful’,”

“So?”

“You’re chaotic, destructive, and have more energy than a truckload of Monster drinks,”

“And proud of it!”

“Demencia, this creature is still in development! The only thing protecting it from the world is a thin layer of dried protein!”

“Huh?”

He sighed. “An egg shell. That’s it’s only defense against the world until it hatches. So, imagine if you, say, drop it on the floo...actually, I can’t bring myself to think about it,” Flug tried to ignore how his heart stopped at the mere thought of the egg coming into contact with the hard tile of his lab.

“Hmph,” Crossing her arms, she mumbled, “I can be careful when I want to be…”

“According to my observations, the mathematical possibility of that is less than one percent,”

“I--Fine, whatever, loser. Call me dumb ‘much as you want, at least get the egg outta that closet. It’s just sad!”

Flug’s eyes widened. “Demencia, I never said you were dumb!” He turned around to face her, to look her in the eye and reassure her he did not pity her intelligence, but she was already out the door, bean bag and game in tow.

* * *

 

“You think we should put the egg in the nursery?” Black Hat asked, “Already?”

“I know Demencia’s suggestions should be taken with an ocean’s worth of salt, but I was thinking...It might be nice…?”

“How?”

“Well, since the egg is still in development, it’s not conscious to see the room or anything, but then we, ourselves, can get used to keeping the monster in there after it hatches. As long as we keep it near the heat lamp, then I think it might be...good? For us?”

“But the room isn’t ready yet!”

“What? But--But we finished painting it! And putting the furniture in it and everything!”

“Not quite…” Black Hat averted his eyes. “It just doesn't feel...evil enough,”

“What do you think would, um, make it more suitable?”

The demon used a long claw to scratch at his ear. “I was thinking some bloodstains on the floor and walls, but it may not be sanitary for the baby…”

“I’m sure we can figure something out...But, um, about moving the egg?”

“What?” He flicked away an insect stuck in his ear. “Oh, yes. I suppose it couldn’t hurt…”

* * *

 

505 just yawned, getting comfortable in his plush dog bed, when a pair of screams pierced the air. He scampered to his feet, galloped down the hall, following the voices to lab. Screeching to a stop as he passed the door, he saw Black Hat and Flug in hysteria.

“FLUG THE EGG IS GONE THE EGG IS GONE, GONE!!”

“AHHHH OKAY OKAY HERE EGG, EGG, EGG, COME TO PAPA FLUG, AHAHA!?”

“Aroh?” 505 barked.

Black Hat turned, and his eyes went blood red at seeing him. “Five. Oh. Five. If you ate that egg I will tear, break, and destroy every single--”

Flug jumped between them and stuttered, “W--Wait a minute, Fives, have you seen the egg?”

The bear nodded wildly.

“What?!” Black Hat’s voice went garbled in an ancient accent. “Why didn’t you tell us this sooner?!”

“Fives, just tell us where it is!”

* * *

 

Black Hat, Flug, and 505 peeked inside the nursery. Their eyes widened at Demencia sitting inside, next to the crib, cradling the egg in her arms. The normally erratic, noisy girl sat calmly, slowly rocking the egg back and forth like it was an infant. Even her gaze softened, and they could almost hear her softly humming a lullaby to it.

“Flug, is that Demencia or is my eyesight failing me?”

“Sir, I...I’m questioning my own perception, too. Fives, how long has she been here?”

“Aro, arohooh,”

Demencia wrapped the egg in the blankie Black Hat knit. She tucked it in so the egg was snug as a bug in a rug. She giggled, then gently wiggled her fingers along the egg shell, as if tickling it. Eventually she looked up, and her eyes lit up at the three behind the door.

“Hey, guys! Hi, bonbon~”

“Demencia, I demand to know when and why you took the egg!” Black Hat barked.

“I dunno, like, fifteen minutes ago? I don’t wear a watch,”

“Then why?” Flug cried, his throat still sore from his earlier hysteria. “We were so worried!!”

“D’aw, y’all care about me~”

“We were worried over the egg, you numbskull,” Black Hat corrected.

“Alright, alright, y’all were worried for both of us. Anyway, I proved that I can be trusted with the lil’ guy! I think it fell asleep!”

“How can you tell?”

“Well, I heard it kick a while ago, but--”

Black Hat blinked. “What do you mean, ‘kick’? How can an egg kick? It has no legs!”

“I mean the baby was kicking from inside the egg, silly. Check it out!”

“H...How…?” said Black Hat. However, before she could answer, Flug pressed his ear against the egg, and waited...until his eyes lit up as bright as the sun.

“Ohmygod ohmygod ohmyGOD IT’S ALIVE!!”

Demencia snatched it back. “Yeah, now it’s awake ‘cause of you guys, not me! I win!”

“Demencia if you drop that egg so help me I will--!”

“Oh! Right, right.” Keeping the egg close to her chest, she stood, turned, then gently placed the egg into the crib. “There you go, lil hellspawn. By the way, do you guys know if it’s gonna a boy or a girl?”

“Huh?”

“Or something else? Like, maybe both? Have you guys even come up with a name for it?”

“Uh…”

“N--Not quite,”

“Then I’m gonna name it Hellspawn!”

Black Hat hissed. “Absolutely not, I’ve been pouring countless hours into researching the perfect name that will fill hero's hearts with pure terror!”

“Hellspawn fits the bill, then,”

“Terror and  _ class _ , you imbecile,”

“Then what are your suggestions, bonbon?”

Black Hat’s lips pressed together in hesitation. “Malice if it’s a boy, Malice if it’s a girl, and Malice if it’s something else,”

“What? Hey, I--I had no say in this matter!” Flug cried.

“You don’t like it?”

“Actually, that...doesn’t sound like a half bad villain name. I was half expecting for you to call it ‘Black Hat Jr.”,”

“On second thought, I like that name better,”

“Nonono!” Demencia grabbed Black Hat’s shoulders. “The fun auntie likes Malice better! I want my Malice niece!”

“Hmph. Fine. Speaking of names…” He snapped his fingers. A chill took over the air, and the lights flickered. Flug and the others clung to Black Hat’s side for safety as they noticed a dark, red substance bled through the walls to form the word MALICE in gastly, horrifying text.

“There, perfect,”

“Is...Is that blood, sir?”

“Indeed,”

“I just hope it doesn’t stain the wall behind it,”

Demencia chirped, “Oooh yeah, blood stains are the WORST. I just wear black underwear and it doesn’t show up though so no problem!”

“Demencia, we’re talking about walls of wood and cement, not...not pieces of fabric in... in intimate areas,”

“Same principle!”

“Enough with this hogwash!” Black Hat yelled. “Demencia, Flug, 505, get back to work! I refuse to let this company twiddle it’s thumbs as we wait for Malice to come into this world!”

“Yes, sir!”

“Sure, handsome!”

“Bawoo!”

* * *

 

“Flug, I just thought of something,” asked Demencia, back in Flug’s lab in her bean bag.

“Yes?”

“Y’know what the name ‘Malice’ reminds me of? Alice!”

“And…?”

“Alice makes me think of Alice in Wonderland! Do we have the book? Or the movie?”

“I doubt Black Hat would have either of those in his library,”

“I just thought it could entertain Malice maybe?”

“Maybe...We’re not even sure if it’ll be capable of speech or complex thought.”

“I hope it can so we can gossip about Black Hat!”

“...you want Malice to gossip about one of her dads?”

“You say that like it won’t happen,”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the due date for the egg! :0

Black Hat grit his teeth together as he glared at the papers scattered across his desk. His mind refused to concentrate in reviewing paperwork, completing patents, and more boring bureaucratic villainy. Instead of signing his name in black ink, he doodled on a notepad. Some were of Flug, some of Flug’s butt, some of burning fires...but mostly of vaguely monstrous shapes, ranging from humanoid to animallike. The mediator between his head and hands was his heart, and his heart was full of anticipation for the due date.

The day the egg would hatch.

By Flug’s observation, he estimated the egg should be cracking open any day now. From the size of a pea, it grew to as big as a watermelon within seven months. Whenever Black Hat could rationalize being away from his work as a villain, he would teleport to the nursery and simply be with his egg. Watching it. Stroking it. Feeling for it’s heartbeat and occasional kick. 

He was fascinated. Anxious. Enraptured. Terrified.

The demon had never experienced such a whirlwind of emotions. Even compared to when he first fell for his scientist, this was nothing compared to the present. How could the evilest demon to ever exist do evil deeds like this?! He was so troubled by this he knit whenever his hands were free. When he visited the nursery, he usually sat in a rocking chair next to the crib and resumed on a long, black and red scarf. It almost reached the other side of the mansion when fully extended. He dared not ask Flug how much yarn he was costing the company, as Flug refilled the yarn basket himself.

Black Hat stood from his desk with a huff. He was useless in this state, he could only knit in this state. His brain was so full of conflicting emotions he didn’t even bother teleporting to the nursery, instead sulking down the stairs and reaching it by foot.

When he arrived at the door, he smirked at the handmade name plate Demencia put on the door. It was a piece of plywood held up by twine, and in glittery red paint, were the words MALICE’S CHAMBER. No doubt she ransacked the nearest crafts store for the materials. He twisted the lock, and walked in.

He made a beeline to his chair, but before he reached for his yarn, leaned over the crib to gaze at his egg. The shell had grown darker in color, almost as dark as coal, but speckled with green freckles. It sat snuggly in the blanket, wrapped up into a doughnut shape, resembling a nest.

“Why hello there, my little Malice,” whispered Black Hat. “How are you feeling?” He gently traced the tips of his claws against the shell as if tickling it. To his surprise, the egg kicked against him. He chuckled, “Feisty today, are we?” He sat in his chair, picked up his scarf and a ball of yarn, and began to knit with his claws.

Not two stitches in, the egg kicked again. The sound made him jump. He looked over, and saw the egg kick again, this time more violently.

“Malice…?”

A tapping came from inside, growing louder with each tap. Black Hat let his scarf fall to his feet as he was transfixed with his egg. He leaned over the crib.

The eggshell surface suddenly cracked. A needle thin crack, barely a centimeter in diameter. 

Black Hat’s jaw dropped.

“FLUUUUUG!!!”

* * *

 

Black Hat hit the brakes so hard on his mercedes, the pedal nearly broke. He tore off Flug’s seatbelt, snatched him up, and kicked the driver door open. Both wore wide eyed expressions, cold sweat pouring down their necks, and hearts hammering in their chests. Flug let himself be carried bridal style while he held the egg tightly against his chest.

“STAND ASIDE, MORTALS!!” shouted Black Hat as he pushed past idling people and marched through the revolving doors to the hospital. After spinning wildly, he managed to escape and dash towards a desk, where a bored receptionist sat.

“You! Mortal!!” Black Hat snapped.

“Y--Yes, sir?” she stuttered.

“Our egg is hatching! What do we do?!” He held out Flug, who awkwardly held out the egg. A few more cracks had appeared on the egg shell.

“P--Please excuse my Jefecito, we’re both just very--very nervous about our egg hatching,” Flug stroked the egg, but it continued to kick and crack.

“I--I’m sorry, sirs, but I--I don’t know what--”

“Human babies are born in hospitals, right?” Black Hat barked, “Then do the same for our egg! Right now!!”

“But I--”

“Don’t just sit there, GET A HUMAN BIRTHING DOCTOR!”

“O--Okay,” The woman grabbed a phone, dialed, and said, “We need an obstetrician to the front please. An obstertrician to the--” Her face scrunched in confusion. “What? No I--I don’t want a pizza!”

“What on earth are you doing?!”

“I--I misdialed?”

“Are. You. Kidding me?” Black Hat hissed through his teeth, acidic saliva dribbling between his fangs.

Now Flug grew annoyed, and reached into his breast pocket. He pulled out a ray gun, pointed towards the receptionist, and said, “Miss, you are going to take me, my Jefecito and our egg to a delivery room  _ right now. _ Understood?”

A tiny eggshell chip fell off.

* * *

 

Five minutes passed like a blur to Flug. One moment he was in Black Hat’s arms and holding their egg, the next they stood around a sanitized table in a delivery room with the egg sitting in the very center. Everyone stared at it, including the doctor, nurses, and receptionist. Black Hat gripped the table with one hand, and Flug’s hand with the other. Flug held his breath as the egg kicked again.

After an eternity cut short, a large piece of eggshell chipped off, the size of a nickel. They could see black, wrinkled flesh, and the tips of small talons. Another crack, followed by a tiny whimper. 

Black Hat’s mouth fell open, as well as Flug’s. They gripped each other’s hand harder.

More egg crumbled away, this time revealing a paw resembling Black Hat’s hand. Another cry, and Black Hat swore his heart stopped. His brain must have stopped, too, because his vision suddenly blacked out, and his side hit something hard and cold.

* * *

 

“...r?...Sir? Sir, are you awake?”

“Ugh...What…?” Black Hat’s eyes cracked open. “F--Flug…?” His eyes adjusted, but saw a stranger in a nurse uniform standing above him.

“Mr, um, Black Hat?” said the nurse. “Are you okay? You’ve been out for a while,”

“Wh--What?” He sat up from the hospital bed he laid in. “When? How? Why?!”

“P--Please calm down, sir! You--You fainted while the egg was hatching,”

Egg? Hatching? “Did--Did it--?”

The nurse stood aside and gestured to another bed next to his. 

“Flug!!” Black Hat scrambled out of the bed and to Flug’s supine form. The scientist’s eyes opened, and lit up when he saw him.

“Sir! You’re awake!”

“Th--The egg, is it…” Black Hat’s voice trailed off as his eyes wandered to Flug’s arms. He held something bundled up in a plush white blanket. Flug gently pried off the top, and nestled in the middle was a small, humanoid infant with black skin. Black Hat was transfixed at its face; the skin looked soft and fleshy, but white freckles stood out against the ashen skin. A nose, so small it could be missed, scrunched in curiosity. Then, it slowly yawned, showing off a pair of white fangs and a reptilian tongue curling back like a dog’s. Smacking its lips, the baby opened its eyes. They resembled a human’s, but the pupil narrowed like a cat’s, and the irises glittered a brilliant green color. The eyes focused on Black Hat’s face, and stared.

Black Hat’s mouth was still open, vaguely twitching but unable to form words. He looked at Flug for guidance. Flug quirked a smile and held the bundle out for him. “Do you want to hold her?”

“Hold...Hold Malice?”

“Yes, our little girl...we think,” Flug paused. “That was the closest thing her genitalia resembled, and you can’t put nonbinary on birth certificates yet… Anyway, you have to support her neck when you hold her. Like this, see?”

Black Hat nodded mutely. His arms moved on his own accord, outstretched in anticipation. Flug gently handed Malice over. The demon brought her to his chest, and he continued to stare at her in complete awe. His black eyes locked with her green ones, onyx meeting jade. Malice wiggled an arm out, and reached for his tie, pawing at the silken material. Meanwhile, Black Hat brought a hand up to her face, his pointer finger outstretched. The baby then noticed it, and five small fingers curled around Black Hat’s talon.

“Is...Is she supposed to be this tiny?” asked Black Hat.

“You saw the egg, Jefecito. She barely fit in there! Besides, I’m sure she’ll grow bigger,”

“I’ve never seen evil so...small before. Or so...so...” Black Hat gulped. “C--Cute…”

To prove his point, the baby sneezed.

Flug’s eyes lit up. “Ohmygod that was adorable! Our hellspawn sneezed! Her first sneeze!!”

“She’s so adorable, does she even have a drop of evil in her?”

“I don’t kno--oh. Um, jefecito?”

“What?”

Flug pointed downwards. Black Hat just then noticed something warm and wet soaking into his sleeve. He shifted Malice in her arms and saw yellow staining the bottom of her blanket. 

“Never mind, she’s evil,”

Flug burst into laughter. The demon did the same, hoisting his offspring into the air like a treasure. Even Malice giggled, a high pitched sound full of life.

Their laughter was short lived, however, by a nurse clearing her throat. “Um, excuse me, sirs--”

“What?” hissed Black Hat.

“Now that, um, your baby has...hatched, we were wondering if you’re ready for the paperwork?”

“Oh, to hell with it!” Flug sat up, then jumped off the hospital bed. “We’re villains, we don’t have time for that! Besides, we should get back before Demencia burns the mansion down…”

“Correct. You, nurse lady!” Black Hat pointed at the nurse’s clipboard. “You will let us go with our child and NOT interfere! Understand?”

“But--But--”

Black Hat growled, his eyes glowing red.

“Yes, sir! Yes, sir!”

Black Hat turned with a flip of his coat, and walked out the door with Malice giggling in his arms. Flug followed him, saying over his shoulder, “We’ll come back for the paperwork later!”

The nurse blinked incredulously at the two strange men exiting, oblivious to the great evil she had just let roam free. Or rather, the great evil family she had seen casually walk away.

* * *

 

Malice laid in her crib, atop the soft knit blanket her father made just for her. She pawed at the air above her as a mobile of bats dangled in front of her. Her fingers met a finger instead, Demencia’s finger, and she curiously stuck it into her mouth.

“Awww, she takes after her auntie!” Demencia squealed. “Ow! She’s even got my sharp chompers!”

“Demencia,” said Flug, standing behind her. “She was made with my and Black Hat’s genetic material. There isn’t a strand of your DNA in her,”

“Well, she sure didn’t get these from you, nerd. And they’re white, so they can’t be bonbon’s,”

Black Hat, who sat in his rocking chair knitting, rolled his eyes. “I don’t care who she got her teeth from, just pipe down, both of you,”

“Why? It’s not like she’s tryin’ to sleep,”

“Of course she’s not,  _ you’re _ bugging her!”

Demencia shrugged. 

Flug placed a hand on her shoulder. “Demencia, Malice has had a long day. She must be exhausted. If you want to keep gushing over her, then do it quietly like fives,” He gestured to 505, who stood at the other end of the crib, silently gazing at the baby with wide, glittering eyes. His giant blue paws hung over the edge, wanting so desperately to touch and hold her, but restrained himself.

“Fives looks like he’ll burst if he doesn’t cuddle the hellspawn soon,” Demencia cackled.

Black Hat put down his yarn and stood from the chair. “If you two cannot contain yourselves until my precious has gotten some rest, then I suggest you leave.  _ Now,” _

“But we just got here! And so did she! Literally, she’s only been alive for like what, two hours?”

“Arrrgh…” groaned Black Hat. He tore off the skin of his face with a deadpan expression, then crumpled up his flesh into a ball and tossed it into a trashcan. 

“O--Okay, guys, visiting hours are over, time to leave,” Flug gently nudged 505 towards the door, and dragged Demencia behind.

“Aw man! When can we come back?”

“On February thirtieth. See you then,” Flug shut the door in their faces and locked the door. Sighing, he walked back towards the crib when Black Hat beckoned him closer. The demon grabbed his shoulders and pulled him into his lap. A sly smile took over his devilish features, and Flug blushed.

“Does this mean I get you to myself until February thirtieth?”

“S--Sir, that date doesn’t exist...February only has twenty eight, sometimes twenty nine days,”

“So I can help myself to you for eternity?”

“Please, sir--”

They dropped what they were doing when they heard a gurgle from the crib. Both immediately whipped their head to the crib. Malice had her eyes closed, drool leaking from her parted lips, and softly snoring. Her little legs kicked in the air as if she was dreaming.

“Oh thank satan, I thought she was choking,” Flug sighed.

“She’s half demon, idiot. It’ll take more than that to finish her!” Black Hat suddenly looked to the side, “...I hope,”

“Well, the nurses and I did tests at the hospital, and she seems healthy...At least, by human standards. We don’t really know what’s ‘healthy’ or even normal for a baby half demon and half human...No one does,” Flug paused, and his eyes went out of focus, “And that scares me,”

“Mmm…” Black Hat wrapped his arms around Flug and laid his head against Flug’s chest. He heard his top hat crinkle Flug’s bag. “Don’t you dare tell anyone, but...I...I’m at unease about the future as well,”

“Welcome to the club, jefecito,” Flug chuckled. “We...We should probably keep an eye on her for a while, at least. Before we let other villains rent her and whatnot,”

“...I don’t want to,”

Flug pulled away, “What?”

“I...I don’t want to rent her out. Not treat her as another catalogue item. Not anymore…”

“Oh. Oh, for a moment I thought you meant you didn’t want to wait to sell her,” Flug gripped the lapels of Black Hat’s jacket. “I...I actually feel the same way. I want to keep her. As our own.”

“She’ll be the newest employee at Black Hat Inc.!”

“Not like that! I meant as family! An evil doing family!”

He purred against Flug’s chest, “I like the sound of that.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally this wild ride has come to an end! It was a blast, and I'm glad I was able to finish it before I go back to school.
> 
> Thank you so much for all your lovely comments and support, they always made my day and kept me going! Here's to more paperhat for the future :D

**Author's Note:**

> This is more of a joke fic because I have writer's block. Not even bothering proofreading. You're welcome. 
> 
> I may or may not continue after the egg hatches. No idea how long this will be, so strap in for the ride.


End file.
